Tuesday, 1 December 2009

Writing Style 2

We were interrupted by the very loud ringing of a school bell, the high pitched sound echoed in my ears, silence rippled amongst us as we all became still. We all set our eyes upon the large black and white plastic clock above the hall entrance, and realised our fate, the first performance of ‘Tales from Geppetto’s workshop’ was about to draw back its curtains to an audience for the first time. Our hard work, which felt like our new born baby, was about to be examined by the most honest audience participant a performer could ever have, children. I took a very heavy long breath to calm my heart which was thumping like a bass drum, as I prepared myself in my first stone statue like position. We all waited in suspense as I could hear thee cheeky, chirpy children’s voices bellowing through the door.

Suddenly the grand doors which looked liked they had grown taller in seconds swung open with a gust of wind throwing dust in my eyes. Through the doors entered a woman surfing a wave of children’s hands of pulling and tugging innocent happy children who were all walking on their tip toes with excitement, all ready for a new day of fun learning, knowing they had a very special treat in store. Staring with joy at our brightly coloured costumes so much that they were bumping into each other like a small car pileup. Roars of ‘wows’ and ‘oooo’s’ came from the eager children as Mark; a fellow performer, balanced on one hand up side down. This broke the imaginary divider between the performers and the audience, as it seemed each child started to ask a million and one questions all at the same time. But before I could answer any of them the show had begin, cue music, I could feel my nerves rippling from my toes up to my head, cue actors, I swallowed a deep breath to compose myself and it was me in the beaming limelight. My eyes witnessed nearly two hundred children in a sea of red uniform staring wide eyed at me. And without panicking my nerves I introduced my character with confidence and pride, ‘Pinocchi-A I was first created very slow, created without any flow, quickly made from head to toe, my joints would stop and start to go, but my secret passion and my dream, is to make my sound and to be seen, telling jokes the stage was mine, but my jaw got stuck…’ and I was joined by a fluffy, yellow and white friend my conscience in the show Jimmy chick, a magical puppet who helped me through the show with spontaneous improvisation.

The show went down a treat leaving our very hungry audience wanting even more, the rippling sea of claps and beams of smiles, left me feeling that my engine of enjoyment has been refilled with the inspiration of their energy.

4 comments:

  1. hey laura,
    really enjoyed reading your decriptive piece. great use of imagery surrounding the build up to the start of your piece, and consistant colourful language through out.
    the piece makes me as the reader feel transported to where you were when you were performing, and i feel the sense of pride over the piece that you have illustrated.
    maybe just to add to this, you could put up a picture followed with your favourite quote from this beginning scene. as well adding just abit more to the end, did you get any feed back from school from teachers or children?

    sarah c

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  2. Sarah,
    Like to start of by thanking you for commenting on my peice, was not to sure if I was meeting the drief. I feel your sugestion to add a picture would distract and also stop the reader from using my writing to create a picture in their head of the experiance.
    I like the idea of the quote and putting in the response/ feedback from the school as i feel this will help develop my last paragraph.

    Laura

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  3. i completely agree with you when you said that a picture is un-needed as the idea of this piece is to paint a vivid picture.

    i look forward to seeing what the schools/teachers and pupils have said about the piece. but maybe instead or as well as this, you could input more about the reactions you recieved form the children.

    how did the children find your pincchiay lines?did you move whilst you were speaking? if so was it funny and did it make the children laugh?

    sarah c

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  4. Laura very descriptive piece, the paragraphs are blocked with text and dense - can they be broken up to add to the narrative features? Placing text in short bursts or longer frames makes a difference in how we read it - the typography of the piece. You start us out with your anticipation - that seems like it should be briefer or in smaller units of text? Also in the larger paragragh - breaks when the imagery changes? Maybe pacing that makes it more theatrical?
    Paula

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